Insecurity Tx

Main points from Philosophize This! podcast Episode #72 . . Insecurity. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Ko6tgQ9aZktWDPodhf3L4

Helped me out, hope it can help you too.

1. Insecurity is a normal thing.

Everyone at some point will have insecurities no matter how amazing they are. It might even be a good thing in a way as it shows that at least we are thinking about what is right or what I should be and it makes us reflect. But when does it become too much?

2. Insecurity is surrendering autonomy.

We often look at other people or the world around us and become afraid of what they think. It then becomes important to question yourself, are you the driver or the passenger? Are you valuing yourself based on other people’s opinion or standards? Or your own? Why do other people set the standard of how you should be?

3. Insecurity is costly.

When you have insecurity, you hand over your decision making in every little thing you do towards the opinion of other people.

What if not conforming towards other people’s standards makes you happier? What if those weird looking shoes you wanted to wear are cozier? Insecurity could have a big cost in surrendering your happiness.

Meanwhile, you may say well you don’t want to be socially outcast. But the truth is standards drastically change depending on the people you want approval from. So, why do we even obsess towards not being ideal by other’s standards?

4. Insecurity in relationships.

Insecurity may make us put unrealistic or unknown expectations towards our partner. For example, because of her insecurity, she was angry that he made another girl laugh. These things come from us being scared of losing them or being scared your partner might like somebody else and leave.

The problem with this is that we are not regulating our behavior, we are regulating other’s behavior instead.

In reality, there are no fixed standards of what relationships should be like. They may differ from one relationship to another like for example, a girl may hang out with another guy and her partner would be ok with it and vice versa. It depends on each individual’s preference.

But the more we put these restrictions towards our partner, the more we are restricting their happiness. It’s like putting them in a cage. If we really loved someone, we wouldn’t want to restrict their happiness, we would want them to do what makes them happy. Even if they leave. If their idea of a relationship is just not the same as you, if you’re just restricting each other’s happiness then it would be ok to leave.

The main point is that insecurity puts too much expectations on your idea of a relationship and hence why insecurity would ruin many.