What’s the Point of a Doomed Romance?

I have a number of movies of which I would put on my favourites list. But one which had impact, gave me catharsis and closure at the same time? This was it. Well to be specific, a change of perception on it.

500 days of summer.

Based on a great video about this movie. Go have a look if you love movies on this link and their channel “Screened”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkBxcwbqflw

This movie isn’t the kind of romance movie that would give you a classic fairy-tale-ish happy ending. It might not give you the feeling of satisfaction you might be looking for. That is until you change how you view this movie and the idea of relationships itself. It is the kind with a more realistic portrait of what relationships are or how they could be.

The movie follows Tom, a young twenty-something living in LA working at a greeting card company. He was bored out of his mind at an office meeting until he sees his boss’s new assistant, Summer. And he falls in love. He loves everything about her and even likes the same bands he does. He takes these shared interests as one of the many strong signs of her definitely being “the one”.

Challenging Ideals and values

In a scene, Tom finally had the chance to talk to her outside of the office where they had a drink. There they started to get to know each other and each of their views. Their conversation then turned to the concept of love which to Tom’s dismay found out her beliefs in it or her lack of belief in it to be exact.

T : “Wait, what happens when you fall in love?”

S : “Well, you don’t believe in that.. do you?”

T : “It’s love. It’s not Santa Claus..”

Tom is a romantic. He believes in love, he believes in fate, destiny, and the notion of “the one”. Summer on the other hand is the embodied rebuttal to his rosy take on love. They challenged each other’s ideals. The movie also showed a little bit of why they have their own respective views. Summer came from a family which did not last. Her parents divorced and from her experiences, relationships never last. Feelings change, emotions get hurt and things get messy. So why go through all that trouble of heartache when you can be happy being single and work on yourself as an individual. That was Summer’s ideal.

S : ”There’s no such thing as love. It’s a fantasy.”

T : “Well, I think you’re wrong.”

T : “I think you know when you feel it.”

S : “I guess we can just agree to disagree.”

The movie shows that clearly, these two characters have very differing core beliefs or are two very different people. But even after having different views, they decided to start a casual relationship together. As the story went on, it follows how mostly Tom’s ideals on many aspects of his life are challenged.

My take on this is how much you can learn from understanding different views of people. As Tom and Summer’s relationship progresses, they would naturally understand each other more and usually, that in relationships opens a chance for people to understand all different kinds of ideals and values than your own. That experience might challenge many of your own ideals, and from that it’s like you could learn so much and see the world so much differently, or it could strengthen your beliefs instead.

A push for growth and potential

In the movie, it also tells how Summer would ask questions regarding his career. Tom has been working at a greeting card company which he didn’t really like. But it paid the bills. Tom had studied architecture and the movie would show Tom still had lasting interests on architecture. He couldn’t find a job after graduating so he worked at the greeting card company.

S : “You’ve always wanted to write greeting cards?”

T : “No, I don’t even want to do it now.”

S : “Well you should be doing something else then.”

Tom had found comfort in working there when he had the potential of doing something he much rather liked instead. The movie showed how Summer would never let him off the hook and pushes him to learn more. This would lead to Tom reigniting his love for architecture as they walk around the city and he would describe how he would make every building they walked past better. The movie showed how without Summer’s help, maybe Tom wouldn’t find his love for architecture back. Unfortunately, on a later scene when they had separated and by chance met on a train, Summer asked Tom how he was doing and if he was still working at the company. Which Tom confirmed.

This passage is mostly self-explanatory of how relationships even eventually doomed ones could have some sort of positive effects on people’s lives. Summer helped Tom rediscover himself which would be useful for what was to come after they ended their relationship.

A new outlook on life and relationships

Tom was left broken after their relationship seemed to end. His world collapsed in itself and he was left alone standing in the wreckage. The movie would explain how Tom would soon to realize he has been doing things the wrong way and hasn’t had the best perception on love or relationships, although with a hint of cynicism. The movie finally showed how Tom would misinterpret the smallest things to the point of absurdity.

(Cuts back to before they started their relationship on the lift)

T : “How’s your weekend?”

S : “It was good..”

(Later on, Tom to his friend)

T: “She said it was good.. emphasis on the good! She basically said that she had spent the weekend having s*x with some guy from the gym! What a skank! Whatever I’m over it.”

T’s friend : “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He had not only misinterpreted the small things which could go wrong, but also the small things he thought went his way and build a sort of a perfect idea or character in the form of Summer. This was only to build the fantasy which was Summer had been “the one” when in reality, signs would say otherwise.

Fortunately, he had characters around him who would offer sobering views of his relationship with summer. One that finally hit the chord with him was after they had broken up and Tom was in a state of depression. A couple of quotes from Tom’s little sister played by a young Chloe Grace-Moretz.

“Just cause some cute girl likes the same bizarro crap you do, that doesn’t make her your soulmate Tom.”

“Look, I know you think that she was the one.. but I don’t.. No, I think you’re just remembering the good stuff. The next time you look back.. I really think you should again.”

The movie would then continue to reveal moments in their relationship which didn’t serve up the best memories. The warning signs, the red flags and the things he would not want to remember. The things which showed signs that Summer wasn’t “the one”.

There was a scene where they went to IKEA on a date. The camera would follow them going around the kitchen and the bedroom, like a couple living in a perfect world. But the movie wanted to show how the kitchen, the bedroom, were never real. Like how they were just in IKEA, it was all an ideal Tom only wanted. A relationship which at its core did not work.

Fortunately, from this experience, Tom then rediscovers himself. He stuck on his love for architecture, he built a different life, went to get a job in the field of which he loved and he had a different and more mature view on life and love.

This passage discusses the core idea of this movie which was to portray a more realistic take on relationships on love. On how we would easily have unrealistic views on relationships made from Hollywood movies and fairy tales. A lesson of maturity in the perspective of relationships obtained from realizing mistakes that were made and things to evaluate as a stepping stone to build a better person in oneself.

A needed piece of closure

On the final scenes of the movie, it offers something which we might not be so lucky to get in reality. After some time from when they had separated, Tom went back to the bench where he would spend the afternoon with Summer to talk. There, he was astonished to have met Summer sitting on the bench as well. They caught up and Tom shared how he view life differently now. He was happy. He had quit his job and now works at an architecture firm. Meanwhile Summer revealed surprisingly to Tom that she was engaged.

T : (with a grin on his face) ”You never wanted to be anyone’s girlfriend and now you’re somebody’s wife.”

S : “It surprised me too. It just happened.”

T : “Yeah that’s what I don’t understand. What just happened?”

S : “I just woke up one day and..I knew.”

T : “Knew what?”

S : “What I was never sure of with you.”

The story wasn’t about “the one”, but it was about the one you learn from. The one that teaches you something about yourself. On what’s actually important, what you need to leave behind or improve on. Also, what to look for, for the next time. Because there will be a next time.

T : “You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believed in is complete and utter bullshit. You know, destiny and soulmates. They were all nonsense.”

S : (with a little laugh) ”No, you were right.. I should have listened to you.”

The movie beautifully ended with growth which in this case was a two-way street. He was looking for “the one”. But instead, he found someone. This movie also made me think about the possibility of being in different phases of life with someone else. maybe sometimes it isn’t necessarily about how two people can never be compatible and doomed to never understand each other. Sometimes, they are just in different phases of their lives.